Overcoming Your Inner Critic

This past week artists from around the world posted drawings and paintings on social media depicting their memories of Notre Dame. Some are from past visits; others are renditions of the tragic fire drawn from newscasts. All are heartfelt and remind us of the fragility of the world around us.

Six years ago, I fulfilled a dream from my bucket list to spend a month painting in Paris. I rented a small apartment in the 4^th arrondissement, the historic Marais district, right across from Ile de la Cite, the little island in the middle of the Seine that is the home to Notre Dame Cathedral. I spent hours and hours walking around Paris, frequently seeing the twin towers of the cathedral in the distance and contemplating sketching it. I would sit on the benches around la Fontaine de la Vierge (the little park that sits behind the church) trying to decide on the best view, but always backing away from the challenge, finding that magnificent structure just too overwhelming.

One day as I was coming back from Luxembourg Gardens, it started to rain. Since I didn’t have an umbrella, I ducked inside the cathedral to wait out the storm. It was somewhat dark and moody inside the church due to all the clouds outside, but I felt a compelling urge to paint the stained glass windows under the dome above the high altar. Being a newbie to urban sketching, you can imagine my struggle (and frustration) to capture such an awe-inspiring structure in my sketchbook.

Later when I would show people sketches from my trip, I quickly paged past that particular sketch feeling embarrassed that it wasn’t very good (you all know that feeling). But this past week after watching the fire, I looked at the sketch of that stained glass again and all the memories from that rainy afternoon came flooding back – the moody light, the lingering smell of incense and centuries-old wood, the sound of the rain against the roof, the murmur of people praying along the nave – memories that no one else would be able to “see” in my drawing, but memories that were very vivid to me. And I decided that the picture was quite good after all... because when all is said and done, I am the only critic that matters.